The Last Exit for the Metallic Onslaught - March 19, 2004
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On The Last Exit... The band SuperDrive were up for an interview and played
several songs live on the air. They were cool. They were there for about
half the show. After they left the show was relatively quiet. Gorgar was
there and played a lot of music which he liked, and wanted to expose people
to.  Some old stuff, some new.  And so went things last week... 


March 26, 2004

Recap of the events of last week (from Fire Eater Wizard):
On The Metallic Onslaught: Things were pretty normal, or, rather what passes
for normal on MO... Shoebox was finally there after many weeks of being
absent. Maury was not there. There was a lot of violence, fighting, and beat
downs... As I said, pretty much a normal week... Phil made a brief surprise
appearance near the end of the show (Shoebox claimed he was his ride). Phil
appearently ate Jeffie's shoes again.

As for The Last Exit:
Again, a fairly normal show...Just Joe was there and was bragging about how
this coming Saturday is national Joe day (This was also made mention of on
MO as there is a Joe there too). Just Joe claims his day will be special..We
will all just have to wait and see what he has on his mind... His weird and
stupid mind... Just Joe also said that he has reconstructed "Cuppy" (after
Maury crushed it) and that Cuppy is now in recovery and will return...  So,
that sums up what went on last week... 


April 2, 2004

Recap of last week's Shows thanks to Fire Eater Wizard

The Metallic Onslaught:  Maury was back and being annoying as usual. Lance
threw a pen at him. It hit him on the head and knocked him out cold. (That
should tell you something about Maury if all it takes is a pen to totally
put him out). He was still unconscious a long time later when Jeffie
arrived. Jeffie took off his pants and shirt, due to the fact that it was
hot in the studio, and then decided to take off Maury's pants as well. Maury
remained unconscious throughout all of this, but then finally came to.
Jeffie had composed a song for Joe to celebrate National Joe day. He
"drummed" (if you can call that drumming) and He and Maury kept singing it.
The show ran an extra hour 'til 3 a.m.. Near the end of the show, Jeffie,
Lance, and Maury got into an altercation.  Maury became totally traumatized
during this (he does that very easily). He was just babbling incoherently.
At first Jeffie was blamed for this, since he had shoved a monkey into
Maury's mouth. However, when Maury finally started talking again, it became
clear that what actually caused him such distress was that Lance had taken
off his shirt and this was just too much for poor Maury. He just kept
moaning that he had seen Lance's nipples. Jeffie decided to fight lance.
They brawled. The show ended with them still brawling and several horrible
sounding very loud crashes... I don't know what the final outcome of that
was, only that it did not sound good. We will all just have to wait 'til
Friday night to see if anyone got killed :)

The Last Exit for the Lost: Things got off to a weird and late start, as
when the LE crew got to the building, it was locked and they were unable to
get in for about 15 or 20 minutes after the show's start time. So we had to
listen to Tom Petty and The Foo Fighters while they were attempting to get
inside (maybe someone did not want national Joe Day to be celebrated?). They
finally made it in. Just Joe was there and, of course, was bragging nonstop
about his day. He said that on this day (even though it was actually over by
that time, he could not seem to grasp this) everyone's name was Joe, and
they would all be called Joe accordingly. He also had a reconstructed Cuppy
with him. Next up the band The Plank Boys were on for an interview. They
talked about their new CD, new website (www.plankboys.com) and their
upcoming shows. They're cool, and we learned that they are going to be
moving to New York City soon, so everyone should go see them as this may be
one of your last opportunities to do so for a while. Just Joe kept annoying
the band, calling them all Joe. saying stupid things, as Joe does.
Eventually the band started beating on him and taunting him with Cuppy whom
they had taken hostage. Just Joe actually bit one of the band members. After
the band had gone, Friend was brought in, in the hopes that he would do
something terrible to Just Joe. They were locked in the basement together,
for a bit. However, it did not have the desired effect as Friend just let
Joe out and Joe did not seem at all phased by the experience. By this time
Gorgar was there too. It was decided that it was time for a new strategy.
Since Just Joe seems to thrive on attention, even attention that most sane
and normal people would not want, as long as it's focused on him, it seems
to make him happy. So it was decided that everyone would ignore him and act
as if he was not there. Joe could not stand this for long. He left. A short
time later, he called in saying that he was on a bridge and was going to
jump. This made everyone very excited and happy of course. They all kept
encouraging him to stop just talking about it and get on with it. Apparently
this was not the reaction that Joe was looking for, go figure!! You'd think
he'd be pleased! He got down off the bridge and showed up again at the show.
He apparently knocked out Azkath and took over the show for a while, playing
Queensryche and other music that he programmed. Azkath came to and some
semblance of normality was restored. And that's pretty much how things ended
up. I'm not sure what happened to Cuppy, as many people had it and claimed
to have "killed" it at many different points throughout the night. And, so,
there you have it, the events of last weeks shows! There was a lot to cover,
and there's my attempt to put it all into some kind of perspective... 


April 9, 2004

F.E.W. Recap...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was back (after only a 1 week absence
this time) and he had a major announcement. As he warned us all in his song
"I'm gonna procreate" (which is available on his new CD "Faster Than A
Speeding Mullet", which is likewise available right now at his web site
www.wormquartet.com for a mere 8 American dollars) he has apparently made
good on that threat as he told us that, despite all the protests, he is now
pregnant. Well technically it is his wife Mrs. Shoebox who is actually
pregnant, but the result is the same, he is indeed going to procreate! Help
us all! As for the rest of the events on the show, there was the usual
fighting and beatings. Then Maury decided to smell the refrigerator all by
himself. This resulted in him becoming traumatized again, not talking
coherently and moaning for his mom to bring him "Sprees". Then Jeffie
attacked Shoebox with a sock monkey. They ended up in the bathroom. Shoebox
threw the sock monkey in the toilet, and Jeffie actually went in after it.
He managed to retrieve it...

On The Last Exit: It was a calm and quiet show after the previous weeks
extreme chaos and insanity. Good, just a bit more settled down. Shoebox
called in to confirm yet again and discuss his impending procreation. We
were told that we can vote in a poll on The LE/MO web site and voice our
opinion on this occurrence. Yes or No. As if the answer was at all uncertain
:) Just Joe was there without Cuppy. When asked about cuppy's state of
existence and whereabouts, he got pouty and would not talk much about it
except to say that Cuppy was home and recovering from it's ordeal of the
prior week. So, we can all rest easy again in the knowledge that Cuppy lives
still. They had their annual tribute to glam between the hours of 2 a.m. and
3 a.m. At 2 a.m. it became 3 a.m. as last week was Daylight Saving time,
when the clocks are set ahead 1 hour. The tribute was awesome! Perhaps they
went a little overboard and it may have been a bit too long, but, what are
you gonna do? It only happens once a year, after all, so, if they get a bit
carried away, who could blame them :p And it was announced that this week
the Easter bunny will visit the show. So, we will all look forward to that! 


April 16

Recap from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught:
Things were pretty much what is a normal Friday night on MO. Shoebox was
again absent as he was attending and performing at a comedy convention in
Chicago. Maury was there and was claiming to be 'Metal' now, and to be
through with his love of things un-metal like "Gilmore Girls". However, no
one believed him... There were the usual beat downs and violence...

On The Last Exit:
It was an extremely busy and insane night with many guests. There were 2
bands up for interviews. First up was Lotus Project. They were there for the
first couple hours of the show. They talked about their new CD which we
heard some songs from. They're cool. Next up was the band Special Unit 2,
who apparently has as they're manager, one of the member's grandfather. A
very old man. He sang on one of the several songs of theirs which we got to
hear. He was in a wheelchair. Friend was there and the poor old man had to
endure the suffering that goes along with a visit from Friend. Well, it is
suffering for everyone except Just Joe, who seems to like Friend's
attention, but that's just because he's weird and strange. By the time
Special Unit 2 left, poor Grandpa was either unconscious or quite possibly
dead. The Easter Bunny was indeed there (played by Just Joe), and the whole
night was spent trying to kill him, which he said could not be done. The
Enforcer was there as well. He kept choking out the Easter Bunny who
suffered much beating all night long. However, he was still alive at the end
of the show. In very bad shape, but alive. There was a lot of violence and
messiness as there was a bunch of Easter eggs around and, as you can
imagine, many of them did not remain intact for long. Great show! 2 cool
bands, and much craziness... 


April 23

Reviews of Last Week's Show from Fire Eater Wizard...

On The Metallic Onslaught: Jeffie was not there. Nor was Shoebox as he was
giving a performance at a show. Maury was there and was still trying to
convince everyone that he is now metal. He failed again. He brought forth
from his "bag" a strange talking doll. He kept pulling it's string and
annoying everyone with it. It Said things like "I love you", "Aren't we
having fun now?", and talked about Vern (I do not think it was referring to
the Last Exit Vern) :) It was an Ernest doll. (The character Ernest from
back in the day). Morie kept annoying everyone with this doll until Lance
brutally killed it, which greatly upset Maury. Maury and Lance got into a
fight. Maury was squashed. The show ended with Joe and Lance insulting
Maury.

On The Last Exit: It was another very busy show. There were bands there for
almost the whole night. First there was David of Lotus Project, then The
Plank Boys were on, or rather 1 member was, that being Andy. He attacked
Just Joe right off the bat and beat him in revenge for him biting one of
their members a couple weeks back. There was a lot of beatings and abuse to go around as usual. Evan from
the band Three Monkeys Named Bob was supposed to be there as well, as that
band was performing on a show with The Plank Boys the following night.
However, Evan could not make it to the show, but called in instead for an
interview. A show dedicated to exposing us to cool local bands...Good show. 


April 30

** Recaps from Fire Eater Wizard **

On The Metallic Onslaught: Shoebox was once again absent. So Was Rick as he
was apparently dancing about in the woods with a bunch of guys, Err, I mean,
camping, yeah, camping, that's what I meant to say of course. (Incidentally,
there were of course many innuendo jokes made about this, like "They'll be
pounding lots of wood and logs", and, "They'll be using their tools a lot".
However, they missed an obvious one, at least to me it seems obvious, and at
least I did not hear this one made, which surprised me. So, I'm going to
take it upon myself to supply it here: "I am sure that they spent a lot of
time "pitching tents" :p I'm sorry, I just couldn't help myself, and,
besides, someone had to say it, and since no one else did, I did).. Jeffie,
however, was back after a weeks absence. Maury was In the same room with Joe
(instead of in with Jeffie and Lance where he usually is) where Rick usually
is. I guess he was attempting to be Rick for that day. He kept saying that
he was in there because he is now the most 'Metal' one there. Mirror, Mirror
on the wall, who's the most Metal one of all?). No one was buying it though.
Maury kept complaining that his hands were cramped because he had been
"showing the metal" so much, and he kept asking for someone to rub them. (no
one wanted to). Maury said that he didn't like Jeffie any more because he is
now so Metal and Jeffie is not. Also, Maury kept talking about his husky
pants. Jeffie and Maury got into a brawl. Maury was squashed by Jeffie (can
you believe it?! Jeffie totally dominated someone in a beat down! I don't
know if this means that Jeffie is getting tougher, or only that Maury is a
pathetic wimp. I suspect that it means both things are true. Also, I think
that Jeffie winning so completely in a fight must be one of the signs of
Armageddon). During this fight, Maury's husky pants got removed by Jeffie
and thus Joe got mooned by Maury. This seemed to greatly traumatize Joe. So,
this week someone other than Maury got traumatized, although, I think Maury
got traumatized as well, as usual...

On The Last Exit: It was yet another extremely busy show! I think it may
have been the most busy and crowded show ever. There were 5, count 'em 5(!),
bands there! First up were Pretty Suicide who had just finished playing a
show with Divinity Destroyed and Haunted By Angels. A couple of their songs
were played and they were interviewed. Their interview was kind of quick as
Divinity Destroyed was also there and were waiting downstairs. However,
Pretty Suicide will be back in the area in July, and said they would come
back again for a longer interview then. Next up was Divinity Destroyed. They
were there for quite a while. Their singer apparently got layed out, thrown
down the stairs, and almost killed. Then Haunted By Angels arrived and were
there along with Divinity Destroyed. A lot of chaos ensued. During this
chaos, one of the members of Divinity Destroyed hit Just Joe with a wooden
shoe and busted him wide open. Just Joe bled a lot. Then the guy who did
that to him (Mark) said that he wanted to atone for that act (although no
atonement was necessary of course, he deserved and got praise for that act)
so he went into the bathroom, stuck his own head in a urinal and flushed it
repeatedly. He then emerged soaking wet and hugged poor Jane Evil, the
singer from Haunted By Angels. So, she got the lovely treat of being soaked
in urinal water as well (and she didn't even cause Just Joe's injury!).
There was a lot of violence and silliness. The other 2 bands represented on
the show were, David from Lotus project (who, for some odd reason, seems to
have power over Just Joe, he gives him commands, and, Just Joe obeys them,
so far, he seems to be the only one with this unique ability, and no one
knows why) and a member of the band Zadoc and the Nightmares. We got to hear
music from all of the bands who were there. They were all cool. Also, Gorgar
was there after being absent for a few weeks. So, as I said, it was an
extremely full show with a lot of great bands and much craziness... 